I’ve been putting off starting this blog because I don’t really know what to say. Never mind what to say, I don’t really know how I feel which is what this post is all about. After two years as the English department’s lectrice at the Université de Haute-Alsace in Mulhouse, France, I am now back in Scotland. If you’re wondering what a lectrice is or does, I’ve got you covered. At this point I don’t think I’ve quite processed that this chapter of my life is closing because it doesn’t feels like it has. This isn’t the first time I’ve been back in Scotland since moving to France, nor the first time that I’ve spent an extended period of time away before going back. Even though I know that is not the case this time, that reality is still to sink in. However, writing this blog is often how I figure out more how I’m feeling and synthesise into more concise thoughts so let’s give it a go.

First things first, why am I actually leaving France and more specifically Mulhouse? When I was coming to the end of my university degree in spring 2021, I was trying to decided what to do next and stumbled across the option of becoming an English lectrice in France. My university in Edinburgh has a partnership with a number of universities in France and does the recruitment for these positions from within their final year French students. To cut a long story short, I was chosen for the position in Mulhouse and arrived there at the end of August 2021. There is a limit on how long you can be a lecteur, with the option to extend the contract for a second year but not beyond (I’m still not exactly sure why). When I arrived, I wasn’t entirely sure if I was going to stay for one year or two but I quickly settled into the position and into Mulhouse. I made the decision to stay without even really noticing. The head of my department asked me in February or March of my first year if I would like to stay and I realised that I had already made the assumption, maybe a bit subconsciously, that I would be! Thankfully they were happy to have me.

And thus began my second year! After a few months away from Mulhouse, travelling to Germany, Austria, Tenerife and Croatia I came back and actually had a pretty hard couple of months. A lot of this came from uncertainty around what I was doing after this second year as a lectrice and unfortunately that took away from some of my enjoyment of being back. I won’t go into that any more here because, of course, there’s already a blog where you can read more about that. If you can’t be bothered and to cut a long story short, I still don’t fully know what I’m going to do now that I’ve left but I have decided that it’ll be back in Scotland, for a little while at least.

If I had wanted to stay in France, I probably could have made it happen, although it might have been difficult. There are other teaching positions such as a contractuel or a vacataire that could see me staying at UHA or working at another university. I could have decided to start a masters programme, gotten a job as an au pair or some other local teaching job. Aside from the fact that I don’t want to be a teacher and a masters is not in my (imminent) future, I didn’t actually want to stay in France beyond this year. I originally wanted to move to France so that I could get my French to a level that I was happy with. Learning French has been a long journey for me, starting at the age of 11, through my exams in high school where it got usurped by a newfound love for Spanish and into my university degree where it was overshadowed by Chinese. This was finally my chance to give French the time and attention it deserves.

But at this point, after almost two years there, France has done everything it needed to do. Improving my French was always the goal and I’m very happy with where I am. Fluency is such a subjective concept but to me it is about being able to communicate. I feel like I reached a level that I would consider fluent after my first year in France – I could do everything I needed to, always get my point across, navigate anything I didn’t understand and speak without having to translate things in my head first. This year I’ve reached another level, adding things that make me feel more fluent, more comfortable and allow me to be myself in a language that isn’t my own. I’ve felt more confident making jokes (and sometimes people even laugh at them!). At times, it has been easier to find the word I’m looking for in French rather than English or I end up thinking or dreaming in French without realising it. I can even swear pretty comfortably in French! It might sound like it shouldn’t be a priority but I think swearing properly in another language indicates that you’re at ease in it. You won’t necessarily notice when someone speaking another language swears ‘well’ but you’ll notice if they do it wrong!

I also feel like I’ve had my fill of France. I am satisfied with my time there, the experiences that I’ve had and the connections that I’ve made. I feel like I’m leaving Mulhouse in a bit of a golden window. I’ve been lucky enough to live in places around the world but leaving has never felt like this. After a full year in Honduras, I was still not ready to leave. In my own words:

Even after a year, I feel like I had just settled in properly and then it was time to go. I could easily have stayed another year which made it even more frustrating that we had to leave. I wouldn’t change a single thing about this year though. The people I’ve met, the places I’ve been, the kids I’ve had the pleasure of teaching and the country that I’ve fallen in love with, I will be back. 

Sara Somewhere – No Se Vaya!

China was similar, if slightly more extreme. I was having a great time, studying hard, getting ready to travel the country in my holidays, living life and loving it, when all of that was ripped away in January 2020. That was particularly unsatisfying because not only was I not ready to leave, I wasn’t actually supposed to be leaving! I still feel like I haven’t had any closure on that experience which calls for a trip back in the future. Thankfully I’ve yet to outstay somewhere, although I think I got l close with Edinburgh at the end of uni. I say this even though I actually want to move back to Edinburgh after the summer but I think it was the intense cocktail of the final year of university, stressful enough anyway, with the addition of the covid pandemic. I think it was more of a case of being tired of university and not actually of Edinburgh. Either way, I got out in time to preserve my love for the city. I think being in this golden window, being ready to leave but not having stayed too long, actually makes the leaving easier and means I can still appreciate it. Leaving too early hurts, staying too long taints the memories.

When I came to France, the plan was never to be here long term. It was initially for a year and if I liked it, which obviously I did, I would stay for a second year. I enjoyed being somewhere for two years in a row which I’ve not had since my first two years at university. It gave me enough time to build a life in Mulhouse that I really enjoy. I had my job, a great group of friends, my water polo team, favourite cafes to work in and enjoy a coffee, favourite bars for a drink en terrasse, at happy hour or on a Saturday night. But at the end of the day, nothing is tying me to France. That is a life that I can build anywhere. I’m very independent, I’m fairly outgoing, I don’t find it too hard to make new friends and I will always seek out the things that I enjoy. These put me in pretty good stead to go and replicate, at least in part, the experience that I’ve had in Mulhouse.

The one thing I can’t take with me are the friends that I’ve made in Mulhouse. I want to take a moment here to thank some special people. I’ve been lucky enough to live with some incredible people turned friends over the two years. I knew I wanted to live in a colocation, a flatshare, mostly as a ploy to live with French people so I could speak French. Instead, my flat has consistently been very international. With only one French person last year, I did mostly speak English but I wouldn’t trade that for the friendships I made. Andy from Montreal, the most introspective soul, profound soul I think I’ve ever met, and Becca, who has become my German postcard penpal. Last year I also had a group of friends that were on their Erasmus year during their university degrees, some of who were studying, some of who were teaching in high schools. Emily, Ciara, Charlie, Ellie, Aaron and Matt, thank you for being rowdy, British mates whose banter and kindness brought a little bit of home to my first year in France. This year, my flatmates have also been great. Alexis, you’re so French. Mahmoud, such a genuine and authentic person. Soukaina, it was short but it was sweet. And Lilly, the reason that our flat spoke French almost 100% of the time, which definitely accounts for a lot of my progress, and who might be my flatmate soulmate. It was a pleasure living with all of you. I’ve become much closer with my water polo teammates this year, particularly through the forming of the girl’s team and the away weekends. There was also the surprise friendship with Sam, in Mulhouse supporting her hockey player boyfriend, who is a ray of sunshine. I can’t wait to see where you go and what you do next. Finally, I couldn’t end this section without a big shoutout to the person who has kept me sane (or accompanied me into insanity), my enabler in chief and my twin flame – Aine, I think it’s hard to express how much you and our friendship has grown to mean to me. You have been my go to person for food recommendations, for support and commiseration, for gossip and complaining, for hype and celebration and I hope that doesn’t end. When I say you’re stuck with me now, that’s a promise.

Saying goodbye to the people that I care about is always difficult. Instead of being present during your final moments together, it’s easy to get caught up in the fact that you’re leaving. Saying that, I don’t tend to get too emotional over goodbyes anymore because my philosophy is that if I care about you enough to cry when we say goodbye, it means that I will definitely see you again in the future. Therefore there’s no need to get upset about it. This is definitely easier said than done and easier in some situations (France is a lot closer than Honduras or China) but I’ve shown over the years that I’m willing to put in the effort, do what I can and go out of my way to see people that I love. To all the people mentioned above, you’ll be seeing me again (if you haven’t already!). It helps that Mulhouse is my only home around the world that I can easily pop back to – there are direct flights from Edinburgh to Basel!

This isn’t the last you’ll hear from me about France. There’s still at least one more post coming about my last two weeks before moving home and a few more bits and pieces like lesson plans, a long awaited (at least by me) introduction to Mulhouse and hopefully something about Alsace as a region and Alsatian. If there’s anything else that I’ve not covered in the past two years in France that you want to know more about, feel free to let me know!